I'm never quiet inside. There is still some anger inside me that I don't understand yet. Something says to be quiet, to shut up but I have a hard time listening to that voice inside saying to be quiet. I'm afraid of it.
Just don't repress the anger anymore. Whatsoever is left has to be brought out, because that is the only way to be really quiet.
You can forcibly still yourself but the stillness is and sooner or later it will be disturbed because just underneath it the anger is boiling and waiting for its moment and the opportunity. Then one goes on sitting on a volcano. Everything seems quiet when the volcano is not erupting, is not active, but it is preparing inside. Some anger has come out, some is still there...and the anger that has come out was superficial. The anger that needs to come out is deeper. That's why it is difficult to understand it.
One part of the anger is understandable because it is related to people, to situations. You can understand why you are angry; the "why" is clear. But when this layer, this superficial layer of anger is thrown away, then suddenly you come on a source of anger that is not related to the outside at all, which is simply part of you. Nobody has insulted you, in fact there is no excuse to be angry – and then it is there. It becomes very difficult to understand because you cannot throw the responsibility on anybody else. Now it is something that is within you, which belongs to you.
We have been taught that anger comes only in a certain tense situation. That's not true. We are born with anger; it is part of us.
In certain situations it comes up; in certain other situations it is inactive, but it is there. So one first has to throw the anger that is related, and then one comes on the deeper source of anger that is unrelated to anybody else...that you are born with. It is unaddressed, and that's the trouble in understanding it. But there is no need to understand it. Just throw it, not on anybody but on a pillow, on the sky, on God, on me! Just throwing is the point.
Because it is unrelated it has to be absurd. You don't know where to throw it, how to throw it, on whom to pour it. If you pour it on someone you will feel very guilty because the other has not deserved it at all. That's the mystery of it, and it makes one feel very disturbed.
This is going to happen with every emotion. There is a part of love that is related to someone. Then if you go deeper, one day you will come to the source of love that is unaddressed. It is not moving towards anybody; it is simply there, there inside. And the same is true of everything you feel. Everything has two sides.
One, the unconscious, the deeper side, is simply with you, and the superficial is the functioning of this deeper layer in relationship. People who remain superficial always completely forget their own inner treasures. When you throw out the inner anger, you come face to face with inner love, inner compassion. The rubbish has to be thrown out so that you can come to the purest gold within you.
So make it a point: don't try to understand it.
That is one of the basic problems facing the whole of the West, the modern mind: we try to understand everything...and life is basically a mystery.
You can live it, but you cannot understand it. If you insist that you have to understand, then you will remain superficial. Intellect goes only on the surface, only to a certain extent; then it cannot go deeper. Depth is not the dimension of the intellect; length is the dimension of the intellect. So if you want to know details, the intellect can give you many, more and more, but it cannot move in any depth. It cannot dig into any fact in the dimension of depth, vertically. So forget about it. There is no need to understand.
Anger is there; that's enough to know. And it has to be thrown out, because if anger remains in you, you will never feel quiet and still; it will go on burning like a fire inside. It will go on finding excuses outside, and if you don't throw it without any excuse, you will throw it with some excuse – and then the trouble is more complicated. You throw it on the wife, the children, the friend, somebody; then you are creating more complexities for yourself because you have missed the point.
So this is a good insight. Use it now.
Osho: "Above All, Don't Wobble"
...Back For More Articles on Stage Two